Split Forehead and Split Ego

Today began normal. Faiyaz sweetly made breakfast for the girls and let me sleep an extra 30 minutes because Nadira had be up all night. Then I got up, and he left for work. I doled out more eggs, then went to clean the kitchen up some. Anjali came in and asked for some cheese. I took out the cheese, cut her the usual four slices and put them in a plastic cup, handed it to her and then turned to cut a slice for myself. I had just taken a bit of cheese when I heard Anjali trip and fall on her way to the living room. Considering that Anjali trips and falls at least ten times a day, I didn't react immediately. Then she came into the kitchen saying she hurt her hand. I turned to look, and saw her face covered in blood...her hand was fine, it just had blood from her head on it. Dropping the cheese, I grabbed a handful of paper towels and folded them, then pressed them to the gash. Once the blood was mopped up, I peeked and saw that the gash was about half an inch long...but was split wide. More pressure and a call to Faiyaz. Then as I was trying to get the girls out the door I discovered Nadira had spilt water down her front...it was super cold outside this morning, so I changed her and got dressed. Luckily my lazy gene had kicked in last night, so the couch was buried in clean laundry to choose from, otherwise I would have gone to the ER in my housecoat. Anjali sat in the arm chair with the paper towel to her head while I got Nadira and myself dressed. Fai got here, we loaded up and drove to the ER. By the time she was seen she had eaten half a bag of marshmallows and was giggling at the doctor as her forehead was glued back together. Faiyaz stayed home, and today turned into a family day eating cheese balls in mommy and daddy's bed while watching Mary Poppins. She fell asleep in the arm chair downstairs. It's amazing to me, I'm still in a bit of shock, there's dried blood on the kitchen floor I need to clean up, and she's completely over it. Somehow, I've got to keep that glue dry for five days, but she's fine. Amazing. Kids are so...awesome.

I don't think I'll recover as quickly to my first rejection letter for the new book. It's silly, really. The first book racked up 80 rejections total, and I never felt so...deflated. And this isn't even the literary agent I want, the Big Agent I've mentioned, this is a small agent from an agency that just opened recently but has had good sells so far. I just met this agent in passing, and thought it worth submitting. I'd have been thrilled, of course, if this agent had wanted it, but still...why am I crushed?

It was a good rejection too, not a form letter, a real "this is why I'm saying no". The two problems the agent saw was that it was the first in a series (which from the conference I thought that would be a selling point) and the agent said I did too much telling rather than showing. Of course I immediately printed out the first chapter and curled up with it and a pen. According to "The Making of Shapely Fiction," there's a time and a place for telling. You wouldn't, for instance, spend two pages showing a minor character's personality in scene. However, it's always best to let the reader connect the dots. So I sat there, looking at the first five pages of the first chapter (which is what this agent saw) and thought "that's showing...okay, I tell there, how can I change that? does that need changing? What can that be? (scribble a few possibilities) okay, more showing, some dialogue, showing, oh I tell again-should I cut that or change that?" You get the idea. My conclusion? In those first five pages, I'd say it's about an even split, but those first five pages are a scene and a half. The first scene has people in it, but they aren't important people, they are people on a cruise ship that sinks. The cruise ship is important, the fact that it's sinking is very important. This is third person, in the Captain's POV...I think I give a good glimpse into his head, but not the way I would a main character...he doesn't pop up again after this scene.

My conclusion? I did find places that could be improved upon, that can be sharper, crisper, and more...immediate. More 'showing'. I think the major turn off wasn't showing versus telling, I think the thing that turned this agent off was it's the first in a series...and since I decided to pull a number out of thin air for this, I told this agent it was the first in a series of 8...I think 8 was a scary number. Plus I don't think this agent is a big fan of YA paranormal, when I met this agent I commented that I hadn't seen a lot of it on the list of book publications on the agency's website, and this agent said they did take it...but who knows? YA paranormal is an acquired taste...two or three years ago I'd never have thought I'd be writing it...but it's so much fun!

So my plan of action is to give it another round of editing, tidying up the language here and there (this will be draft 7 for those keeping count) and never again say it's the first of eight. I hope to submit to the Big Agent next week.

Here's hoping...