Monday, March 23, 2009

More Complaints

So my mom is getting evicted...yep. And guess who has to deal with it? Yep. I'm tired of bailing her out, very very very tired. I know that she's...insane, but right now I'm so frustrated with her. It feels like she's messing things up on purpose. I was just down in Florida, fixing her life for her, making it so she could live in that apartment a little longer, and here we are. All that time and money, thrown down the drain. And all the lies! All the lies! It makes me sick to my stomach just to think about all the lies.

So now I have to find an assisted living facility that has space and takes medicaid. Otherwise, she will be homeless on the street. Yep. If you know my mom, then you understand there's no way at all that she could live with me. None. So here I am. And I have to fix this, she is my mother. In spite of everything, she's my mom, and I have to find a way to help her.

Monday, March 16, 2009

A Hard Day in Mommyland

Granted, I really don't have much to whine about, but I'm going to indulge myself in a little complaining nonetheless.

It's been a hard day in Mommyland. Fai, the fearless provider, left early and is working late, which means, in an hour or two, I and the little ones will be tracking it on 95 into Alexandria, so none of us will get to bed earlier than 1 am. (except, of course, the little ones who will sleep in their car seats and be up all the earlier tomorrow) Nadira was up at 1:30 this morning, then both Anjali and Nadira were up at 7am. 7am is early to me. We were out running errands all morning. I signed Anjali up for preschool (she'll be going three days a week starting in Sept) which she is super excited for, then I had to do the grocery shopping and get gas. By the way, grocery shopping today meant going to four different stores. Yep. Two kids, two car seats, four stores. PLUS when Anjali was sick and I washed her carseat, I put the two seat belt halves in backwards, which means to get it in you have to twist the bottom buckle around backwards, and it's next to impossible to unhook. So I hurt my thumb fighting with the silly buckle.

The highlight of my day was the optimism I had-Faiyaz said he'd be home early, and cook dinner. So exciting. I defrosted the chicken as asked, and bought the eggplant. One big thing I didn't have to worry about. And at 8:15 (I thought Fai would be home by 8 at the latest) I called, and found out that he would be working extra late, and here I am with no dinner for him tonight or lunch tomorrow (he always gets left overs for lunch) Granted, not a big deal, but Fai just started a diet, and was doing super well on it, and now who knows what he'll have for lunch? He's fine with this situation, but I'm stressed for him, does that make any sense?

And the true annoyance? Lack of writing time. Anjali and Nadira sense when I'm really into writing, and that's when crisis strikes! ARRRRGH! I feel like I'm being selfish, I know in a few years (longer, depending on how many more kids we have) finding time to write won't be so hard, but I want to write now! I'm in the middle of a project I'm really enjoying writing, it's a light YA piece, nothing important, but it's fun, and I want to work on it! I truely am trying to keep this in perspective. And I do appreciate the stress and preassure of Fai's job. (that's another rant all together) This has nothing to do with him. This is me, trying to remember to be happy in the season I'm in. It's short, I know it is. I got some perspective tonight after I gave Nadira her bath, and I held her close and smelled her clean hair. Nice, very nice. I truly thought the all-day me alone thing would end with Fai graduating and getting this job. Everyone at the USPTO says the first few years are tough, and it is a good, stable job with good benefits and good pay. I see the benefits, I appreciate the demands of a new career, but it feels like it's always going to be 'a few more years' of toughing things out. I'm tired of us toughing it out, I want us to just live and enjoy! I want Fai home at 6, the kids in bed at 8, and the weekends to be stress-free. And I want three hours to write, everyday. Sigh!

I'm going to go cuddle a baby, then I'll feel better.

Friday, March 13, 2009


I told myself while I still worked in childcare that I would always be truthful with my children. No cute nick-names for body parts, where babies really come from, etc. Not that I've explained sex to Anjali, but she does know that Mommy's and Daddy's love made Nadira, that she grew in Mommy's belly until she was ready to come out, and she knows how she came out. A bit much for an almost-three year old, huh?

so Tuesday, when Anjali was super sick, and we took her to the Dr, and the Dr wanted to have labs done on her, I told her truthfully what would happen. Then, later, when we got the phone call to take her to the ER for fluids, I again told her truthfully what would happen at the hospital. Wow. Poor baby. She was so upset, and when they were putting the needle in, she kept crying "please! please! don't hurt me! please!" Talk about breaking your heart!

Then they taped it down, and Anjali laid in bed, looking at her hand. Slowly she stopped crying. Moments after that, she seemed better, and started chatting happily and telling us about the 'water' going through the IV into her hand.

Maybe I shouldn't have told her what would happen at the lab, or at the ER. Maybe the build-up and the tears in the waiting room could have been avoided. At the ER waiting room she kept saying over and over again that she wanted to go home.

The plus side of this truthfulness is that while we were in the ER and she was getting fluids, Fai and I, feeling extremely guilty, promised to get her a present, that she could pick it out. And she remembered. And so, at three am, we were at Walmart, in the toy section, and despite mixed feeling on my part, Anjali got her very first Barbie doll. Yep, we've entered the world of Barbie. And because we felt very, very, very guilty, she now has a total of three Barbies and one Ken. One of the Barbies is a Pediatrician, so that's kinda cool. They had an Astruanaught Barbie and a President Barbie, but she wasn't interested in those.

The next day, after the ER, we went to check out a Preschool near our house for her. As we got out of the car, and Anjali looked at the unfamiliar building, she asked, "Will they hurt me?" and so I explained where we were, what we were doing, and that no one here would hurt her. She immediately felt secure, and held my hand as we walked up to the school. I don't think it would have been that easy if she didn't have confidence that I would be truthful with her. It's a tough one, do we sugar coat the world for our kids, or do we tell them the truth even when it's a little scary? I'm going to keep being truthful, even though it means that when we're in the grocery store and someone stops to admire Nadira, Anjali will proudly explain how she grew in Mommy's belly, and came out of her 'gina. (thank goodness most people don't know that means 'vagina'!)


Rough week, poor Anjali had a stomach virus, and we ended up in the ER with her. She's pretty much at the top of her game again, thank goodness.

Nadira spent the last two nights in the crib in Anjali's room. Soon I'm going to dismantle the bassinet. She slept until almost 8 this morning, and happily played with her toes while I gave Anjali a quick bath (someone had an accident last night.)

New book is going great, I've cleared a hundred pages and am about a third of the way through the plot. My writing has slowed down a lot with Anjali being sick, but I'm going to try to pick up the pace some today.