mixed feelings

I'm feeling angry and bitter towards my book. Up until recently, I've had such a blast writing and editing this book, I love the story and I think it has great potential. But recently I've started thinking a lot on the amount of time and energy I've put into it that could have gone to something else, to my home or family or towards a job that would actually pay.

Yesterday was the worst. I actually thought about deleting the whole thing. Then, while I was giving sweet Nadira her bath, I came up with an idea for another book. Yep. Also YA. The whole premise, backstory, characters, plot, even the main character's voice. I need to write the sequel to this book first, but then there this bright shining idea...and the thrill that comes with such an idea...

And late last night I knew that regardless of what happens, I'm going to be writing. I can't stop. I won't sleep well until that bright shining idea is on paper, and then there will always be another one...

There are many reasons why I write. Most basic is that books are so vital to me, so connected to every major even in my life. They've helped me through so much, guided me almost. The best comfort in the darkest hours of my childhood, there at a time when I was completely alone. But that's another blog all together.

So today I'm thinking about multitasking, and I'm thinking about editing.

Editing to me, is polishing. Have you ever seen a raw diamond, fresh out of the earth? It's not very pretty. You know it's valuable, it is after all a diamond. But to get it to the point that others see its worth, there's a lot you have to do to it. Finding the diamond was the easy part. Now it has to be cleaned, cut, polished. Yes, sometimes you add scenes, but for the sake of the diamond analogy, we'll just call the additions the polishing process. You lose things. As you work on your novel, it changes shape, and may lose some of what you love about it. As a diamond is cut, diamond dust and little diamond chips get cut away. But this is necessary to bring out the beauty of the diamond. For me, this process takes much longer than writing the first draft, and I can't do it alone. Recently a writer friend of mine talked about her process, how she does all the edits in one sweep. Amazing. That's part of this too: Every writer has to find the process that works best for them. There is no right or wrong here.

Now multitasking. Here's a list of things I've done while writing/editing my novel:

-eat
-feed Nadira in a high chair
-painted with Anjali
-helped Anjali with puzzles
-nursed Nadira (while writing a scene, not editing)
-used a breast pump (yeah...)
-retrained the dog to sit (he likes to forget that command every few months)
-talked on the phone to: telemarketers, family members, friends, my husband, I have even done editing while on hold with the doctor's when making an appoint...if you've talked to me in the past few months, and I've sounded distant, I was probably working on the book.
-peeled potatoes while editing

I eat all my meals at this computer while editing. This machine comes on first thing in the morning, I'm back and forth to it all day. Rarely do I have uninterrupted stretches to write, but that's okay. I am the queen of the multitask.

That's all for now, I'm sure that's more than enough...